Fabulous Bill Hicks site. A few samples of why you should visit: [The sensitive may want to avert their eyes]

I did that joke in Alabama, and these three rednecks met me after the show. "Hey buddy, c'mere. Hey Mister Comedian, c'mere." Yeah, I love that move (makes shoving motion) "C'mere!" Not a physics major, I think that's a safe bet. "Mister Funnyman, c'mere. Hey buddy, we're Christians and we don't like what you said." I said, then forgive me.

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I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year, after the show I went to a Waffle House, I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me, "Tch tch tch tch. Hey, what you readin' for?" Is that like the weirdest fucking question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading for. Well, godammit, you stumped me. Why do I read? Well... hmmm... I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one, is so I don't end up, being a fucking waffle waitress.

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Cause you know, if you play New Kids on the Block albums backwards, they sound better. "Oh come on, Bill, they're the New Kids, don't pick on them, they're so good and they're so clean cut and they're such a good image for the children." Fuck that. When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children? I want my children to listen to people who fucking rocked. I don't care if they died in puddles of their own vomit. I want someone who plays from his fucking heart. "Mommy, mommy, the man that Bill told me to listen to has a blood bubble on his nose!" Shut up and listen to him play! The New Kids! "Hi we're the New Kids and we're so good and clean-cut..." (cocksucking noises) "We're so clean cut!" Seig Heil! Heil! Heil! A good clean country... Heil! Heil! Heil! (more cocksucking noises) Fuck that! I want my rock stars dead! I want them to fucking play with one hand and put a gun in their other fucking hand and go "I hope you enjoy the show!"

Posted by Bill Stilwell at May 10, 2000 12:00 AM